📖 Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself by Aziz Gazipura

“Not Nice”: A Deep Dive into Reclaiming Your Voice, Boundaries & Boldness

> “Niceness is the socially acceptable form of fear.” — Dr. Aziz Gazipura

🌊 Opening Note: On the Cost of Pleasing

Beneath the surface of politeness, beneath every habitually uttered “no problem,” lies a deeper ache: the ache of being unseen. This book doesn’t simply teach you to say “no”—it teaches you how to find your “yes,” the kind that comes from soul alignment rather than social survival.

This blog isn't a summary. It's a mirror, a provocation, and an invitation. Let’s walk together.

🪞 Act I: The Politeness Persona — Armor That Smiles

“Niceness” is not a character trait—it’s a coping mechanism. We learn to be "nice" when our environment teaches us that being real is unsafe.

Common faces of niceness:

• The fixer who rushes in to solve others’ problems

• The avoider who fears rejection like the plague

• The chameleon who changes depending on who’s in the room

But underneath each of these patterns lies the same fear: If I’m not pleasing, I won’t be loved.

> Reflection Prompt: > In what ways have you traded authenticity for approval? What emotions come up when you contemplate removing the mask?

⛏️ Act II: Chipping Away at the Inner Cage

Dr. Gazipura introduces the concept of “Nice Conditioning”—a belief system hardwired into us through socialization:

• “Don’t be too loud.”

• “Don’t stand out.”

• “Don’t make others uncomfortable.”

These are not just thoughts—they’re visceral. The body learns them too. Shoulders hunch. Voice softens. Jaw tightens.

Releasing these rules doesn’t happen through logic alone—it happens through embodied rebellion, one honest word at a time.

> Try This: > Sit silently for a moment. Then say out loud: “I don’t need to be liked by everyone.” Notice what shifts inside—resistance, peace, defiance?

⚔️ Act III: The Guilt Gauntlet

Guilt is the enforcer of niceness. It whispers: You’re selfish. You’re mean. You’re letting them down.

But guilt doesn’t always tell the truth. Sometimes it’s just a signal that you’re breaking an old contract you never signed.

Gazipura distinguishes:

• Healthy guilt = violating your own values.

• Toxic guilt = violating someone else’s expectations.

To heal, we must begin trusting our internal compass more than others’ reactions.

> Journal Prompt: > Write a letter from your guilt. What does it fear? What does it protect? What would it say if it could be honest?

🌑 Act IV: Making Peace With the Shadow

Carl Jung said, “The gold is in the shadow.” Gazipura echoes this—arguing that everything we suppress to be seen as “nice” becomes our psychological shadow: rage, ambition, sexuality, boldness.

Instead of exiling these traits, he invites us to befriend them.

Shadow integration is not indulgence—it’s maturity. It’s learning to say:

• “I’m allowed to be angry without being abusive.”

• “I can be sexual without being shameful.”

• “I can be assertive without being arrogant.”

> Self-Dialogue Prompt: > Pick one trait you’ve judged or rejected. Personify it. Have a conversation with it. What wisdom has it been holding?

🧭 Act V: Courage Practices — The Undoing Begins

This is where theory becomes practice. Dr. Gazipura offers experiments in courage that build muscle memory for authenticity.

Daily acts of courage:

• Speak slower and louder than usual

• Share your real opinion, even if it might disappoint

• Make one bold request (a raise, a favor, space)

• Let someone down gently but firmly

These aren’t just behavioral hacks. They’re spiritual declarations: My truth matters. I am allowed to take up space.

> Challenge Prompt: > Create a Niceness Recovery Bucket List. Include 10 things you’ve avoided doing or saying out of fear of disapproval.

🧬 Act VI: The Biology of Boundaries

Did you know your nervous system may interpret assertiveness as a threat—simply because it’s unfamiliar? Niceness becomes not just psychological, but neurological.

Gazipura’s guidance draws from exposure therapy:

• Start with small “no’s” and honest expressions.

• Let your body learn that discomfort won’t destroy you.

• Allow yourself to feel the aftershocks—but stay rooted in truth.

Over time, your nervous system learns a new story: Truth is safe. Boundaries are love. My voice is not a weapon—it’s a gift.

> Micro-Practice: > Breathe deeply. Say out loud: “It’s okay if someone is upset with me.” Let it echo. Then say: “I can love myself even when others don’t.”

🪷 Final Act: Your Inner Revolution

The essence of Not Nice isn’t rebellion—it’s homecoming. It’s the slow shedding of external identities and the sacred returning to who you’ve always been.

You are not a utility. You are not a buffer zone. You are not a projection screen for others’ needs.

You are a real human—alive, nuanced, messy, magnificent. And you don’t have to apologize for that.

> Closing Reflection: > What would your days look like if you traded politeness for presence? > What would your relationships feel like if you stopped editing your soul?

🌻 Epilogue: From “Shalin” to “Swatantra”

In Hindi, the word शालीन (shalin) implies grace, courtesy, restraint. But too often, it’s wielded as a muzzle. What if our evolution isn’t about abandoning shaalinta, but awakening to स्वतंत्रता (swatantrata)—a quiet, fierce freedom born of inner alignment?