📖 The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier

🌿 The Coaching Habit: A Quiet Rebellion Against the Advice Culture

In the fast-paced world of leadership, where decisions are expected in real time and solutions are prized over silence, Michael Bungay Stanier’s The Coaching Habit offers a radical proposition: slow down, ask more, and say less. It’s not just a book—it’s a cultural intervention. A call to arms for leaders who want to trade control for curiosity, and authority for influence.

Stanier doesn’t just teach coaching. He reimagines it as a daily ritual—an act of humility, presence, and transformation.

🧠 The Advice Monster: Our Inner Saboteur

At the heart of the book lies a deceptively simple insight: our instinct to give advice is often more about us than about helping others. Stanier introduces the “Advice Monster”—that inner voice that jumps in with solutions, eager to prove its worth. It’s seductive, especially for high performers. But it’s also limiting.

When we rush to fix, we rob others of the chance to think, struggle, and grow. Coaching, then, becomes an act of generosity. It’s about creating space for others to find their own wisdom.

🔍 The Seven Questions: A Map for Meaningful Conversations

Stanier’s seven questions are not just tools—they’re gateways. Each one is designed to shift the dynamic from telling to listening, from directing to discovering:

  1. What’s on your mind? A gentle invitation that opens the door to what truly matters.

  2. And what else? A nudge toward depth, reminding us that the first answer is rarely the whole story.

  3. What’s the real challenge here for you? A scalpel that cuts through noise to reveal the core issue.

  4. What do you want? A mirror that reflects desire, clarity, and ownership.

  5. How can I help? A pause that prevents assumption and invites autonomy.

  6. If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to? A compass that sharpens priorities and boundaries.

  7. What was most useful for you? A closing loop that reinforces reflection and learning.

These questions are deceptively simple. But when practiced with intention, they become transformative.

🌀 Coaching as a Habit: From Occasional to Everyday

Stanier’s genius lies in his insistence that coaching isn’t a special event—it’s a habit. A way of being. He draws on behavioral science to show how habits form: through triggers, repetition, and reward. He encourages leaders to embed coaching into their daily rhythm—into meetings, check-ins, and even hallway conversations.

This shift—from episodic coaching to habitual curiosity—is what makes the book revolutionary.

💬 The Emotional Texture of Coaching

Coaching isn’t just a skill—it’s a relationship. It requires vulnerability, patience, and trust. Stanier acknowledges the discomfort that comes with asking questions instead of giving answers. It can feel slow, uncertain, even risky. But it’s also deeply human.

When leaders ask instead of tell, they signal respect. They say, “I believe in your capacity to figure this out.” That belief can be catalytic.

🧭 Leadership in the Age of Complexity

In today’s world, where problems are complex and solutions are rarely obvious, the old model of leadership—command and control—is breaking down. The Coaching Habit offers a new model: one rooted in inquiry, empathy, and empowerment.

It’s not about being less decisive. It’s about being more discerning. More relational. More impactful.

📚 Beyond the Book: A Philosophy of Practice

Stanier’s work is grounded in research—from neuroscience to behavioral economics—but it’s also deeply practical. He offers scripts, examples, and exercises. But more than that, he offers a philosophy: that leadership is not about having all the answers, but about asking better questions.

It’s a philosophy that resonates with those who lead not just with their minds, but with their hearts.

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