📖 This Is How by Augusten Burroughs

Introduction

Augusten Burroughs wrote This Is How as a fierce rebuttal to empty self-help slogans. He invites readers into his private struggles - battles with shame, addiction, grief, and self-loathing - and emerges with unvarnished lessons on honest survival. This blog expands on each chapter, weaving in practical exercises, reflective prompts, and the emotional undercurrent that makes Burroughs’ voice both unsettling and liberating.

Chapter 1: The Lie of Positivity

Burroughs begins by dismantling society’s insistence on relentless cheerfulness. He recalls attending support groups where members masked despair with “I’m fine” and argues that this false front stunts growth.

Key Takeaways

• Recognize forced optimism as a barrier to real healing.
• View negative emotions as data points, not character flaws.
• Honor your dark moments - they carry clues to unmet needs.

Exercises

• In your journal, list three truths you hide behind “I’m fine.”
• Next time someone asks “How are you?” respond with an honest one-word emotion.

Chapter 2: Embrace Suffering as Information

Pain isn’t a problem to eradicate, but a signal demanding attention. Burroughs paints grief and anger as messengers, urging us to decode their origins rather than anesthetize them.

Key Takeaways

• Feelings are distinct from self-identity; they’re temporary messengers.
• Emotional avoidance corrodes authenticity.
• Naming your pain reduces its tyrannical grip.

Exercises

• Create an emotion wheel and pinpoint today’s three strongest feelings.
• Meditate for five minutes, welcoming each sensation without judgment.

Chapter 3: Authenticity in Relationship

Authenticity attracts reciprocal intimacy. Burroughs confesses past affairs born of insecurity and shows how half-truths sabotage connection.

Key Takeaways

• Vulnerability is the bridge to genuine love.
• Oversharing isn’t the goal; truthful sharing is.
• Seek partners who value the real you, cracks and all.

Exercises

• Draft a short letter telling a friend your honest inner struggle.
• Observe how your listener reacts - and how liberated you feel afterward.

Chapter 4: A Diagnosis Is Not a Sentence

Labeling can heal by clarifying, but it can also imprison. Burroughs recounts therapies that saved him and pitfalls of “wearing” a diagnosis as identity.

Key Takeaways

• Use clinical terms as tools, not definitions.
• Reclaim choice by mixing therapy with self-education.
• Beware of diagnostic foreclosure - allow space for nuance.

Exercises

• Research your diagnosis outside your therapist’s office.
• List three strengths that exist independently of any label.

Chapter 5: Mapping the Terrain of Grief

Grief unfolds differently for everyone. Burroughs rejects the “five stages” model and portrays grieving as a vast, ever-changing landscape.

Key Takeaways

• There is no linear path or timetable.
• Waiting for “closure” keeps us stuck.
• Continuing bonds - harbor memories rather than sever ties.

Exercises

• Write a letter to someone you’ve lost - share an update on your life.
• Create a small ritual (lighting a candle, planting a seed) to honor ongoing remembrance.

Chapter 6: Claiming Agency After Trauma

Trauma survivors can feel like passive bystanders. Burroughs insists that even minute actions reaffirm authorship of your life story.

Key Takeaways

• Movement - even small - rebuilds a sense of control.
• Refuse the “trauma victim” default role.
• Daily micro-victories compound into profound shifts.

Exercises

• Choose one task you’ve been avoiding and complete it today.
• Celebrate that win, however modest.

Chapter 7: The Myth of Dream Chasing

Chasing grandiose dreams can backfire when passion meets systemic obstacles. Burroughs advocates finding purpose in ordinary moments and incremental progress.

Key Takeaways

• Passion needs skill, resources, and timing.
• Value what’s feasible now over what might be someday.
• Small acts can carry immense meaning.

Exercises

• Identify a “good enough” pursuit you can start tomorrow.
• Track your progress for one week - note how it influences mood.

Chapter 8: Cleaning as Radical Therapy

A spotless environment won’t cure depression, but cleaning can interrupt mental paralysis. Burroughs shares how scrubbing grout became a meditation and entry point to larger changes.

Key Takeaways

• Physical action disrupts rumination loops.
• Order in your space can mirror order in your mind.
• Cleaning rituals anchor you in the present.

Exercises

• Set a ten-minute timer and clean any one surface.
• Notice shifts in your breath and mindset afterward.

Chapter 9: Embracing Brutal Honesty

The final chapter demands unflinching self-confrontation. Burroughs argues that truth-telling - even when it shatters illusions - is the crucible of transformation.

Key Takeaways

• Radical honesty is painful yet liberating.
• Confession dissolves invisible prisons.
• Authentic life begins where self-deception ends.

Exercises

• Commit to one truth you’ve been hiding - share it in a journal or trusted conversation.
• Observe what crumbles when lights shine on your secrets.

Conclusion

This Is How offers no tidy blueprint for happiness. Instead, it hands you a mirror and dares you to stare, warts and all. Burroughs’ unflinching narrative shows that survival isn’t about perfection but about relentless honesty, incremental action, and the courage to feel it all.